Political jokes

[B8]

Subject: Hillary is President.......

This pains me to even think about the possibility...........



Subject: HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT - JAN. 2009



Hillary Clinton gets elected President & now sleeping in the White House

The 1st night, the ghost of G.Washington appears & Hillary asks...
"How can I best serve my country?"

Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" says Hillary, "I don't know about that."


The 2nd night, the ghost of T.Jefferson appears & Hillary asks...
"How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Ohhh!" says Hillary. "I really don't want to do that."



The 3rd night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears & Hillary asks...
"How can I best serve my country?"

Lincoln says :



"Go to the theater" ! ! !

[Schweppes7T4]

old joke, new name...

i don't think hillary would get president... too many sexist men out there that wouldn't vote for her simply cause she's a woman.

...on the flip side, she would get the women's votes...

i personally wouldn't because i dont' think she would do a great job. funny, considering i liked bill.

...and cause she has a vagina...

[Schweppes7T4]

lol, disregard that i love vagina

[Amy]

she won't get my vote

shes a creepy bitch.

[B8]

Come on people there have to be more political jokes out there? Or are all the jokers dead?

[Caboose]

Ok, not sure if it's too political, but it involves the wonderful George Dubya and Saddam.

(Not sure of name either)

One day, George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein decide to finally settle the score between the two by having a dog fight. Whoever's dog wins the fight, wins. They decided to take 5 years to breed the dog for the fight. So off they went to their separate corners of the world.

Saddam got his forces together and breeded the meanest, nastiest Tibetan wolf with the strongest rot weiler he could find. He trained it to be a vicious and highly destructive beast. He believed he was ready.

Five years later...

Saddam and Bush both put their dogs in the ring. Saddam almost laughed himself to death when he realized that Bush put in a Dachtsun. His laughter stopped immediately after the Dachtsun opened its mouth and swallowed Saddam's creation in one bite. Saddam was speechless, except he did manage to say, "How did this happen? I spent the last five years breeding the meanest Tibetan wolves with the strongest rot weilers, and he was beaten by a Dachtsun. How??" Bush replied simply, "Because for the past 5 years, I have had the best plastic surgeons in the country try to make an alligator look like a dog."

BTW I loved your joke B8.

[B8]

The only way I could improve that joke is to have Saddam go up to the Bush dog and get eaten. That would have made it funny and correct. No innocent party gets hurt.

Bush could have said to the handlers "Put the alligator away the plastic surgery worked."

[B8]

Subject: Think this just about sums it up
Think this just about sums it up

MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and
extended family, and I would like to ask you to
assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from
the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few
arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas,
passports, immigration
quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things
the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President
Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him
know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all
services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in
English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking
teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American
culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on
the top of the flag pole at their school with the
Mexican flag flying lower down.

7 Please plan to feed my kids at school for both
breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I
can get easy
access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I
won't make any
effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does
not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone,
please be sure that all police officers speak
English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top,
put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic
celebration on July 4th. I do not want any
complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without
paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws
or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be
extremely nice and never say a critical word about
me, or about the strain I might place on the
economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already
do all these things for all the people who come to
the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't
mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite
him to go quail
hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

[The Black Dart]

AKIRA THE DON FOR PRESIDENT!

www.akirathedon.com

although he isnt US citizen

[TEX]

In a recent experiment, several people dug up old presidents and asked them a few questions. Apparently there were several remarks made about "the founding fathers would be turning in there grave if..." and these debates needed to be put to rest. After Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin's bodies were re-animated this is the conversation that followed between Bob, the leading interviewer and the 2 corpses.

Bob: So society was wondering if you do or do not approve of certain things.
Thomas: Sure, whenever you're ready to start then.
Bob: Well, I guess the first question would be, do you support abortion
Benjamin: er, what?
Bob: oh excuse me, my appologies, abortion is when a mother terminates an unwanted pregnancy
Benjamin: oh, uh well I guess it's their body, and esspecialy in extreme instances it could be a needed procedure
Bob: Wow, that's weird, I mean, most of the black voters would...
Thomas: excuse me, what did you just say?
Bob: about the black voters of this country?
Thomas: wait, negros can vote? hold on one second (both literaly turn over in their graves)
Benjamin: there we go
Bob: jesus! Next question i guess, now the congresswoman from Delaw...
Benjamin: THERE'S WOMEN IN CONGRESS TOO!!!
(both literaly turn in their grave
Bob: Yeah I think we're done here

[Canadian Nose]

*This letter circulated the web in response to Dr Laura Saying she "couldnt condone any form of homosexuality as a Devout Jew". She has since retracted her statement and reformed her belief*

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,

J. Kent Ashcraft

[TEX]

i gotta remember those for the christian freak at my school

[Legendary_Apu]

you might find some funny jokes at this web.

www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/politicaljokes.shtml