Post by B8 on Aug 1, 2007 6:12:44 GMT -5
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors; Fill your plate with bright colors; greens, yellows, reds, etc.
I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's and sure enough, I felt
better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.
Getting Older
Just before the funeral services, the
undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your
husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the
undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters
interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile
is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had
two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts, and
have bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet
anymore, and can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. I have lost all my friends, but,
thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten
totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and
start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent,
twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to
prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she
wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my
daughters visit me twice a week!"
My memory's not as sharp as it
used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent
sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making
the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing
because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the
people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to
share this with 2, 5 or 6, maybe 10 or 12 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of
your friends if you can remember who they are! Or just forget it...
I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's and sure enough, I felt
better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.
Getting Older
Just before the funeral services, the
undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your
husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the
undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
Reporters
interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile
is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had
two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts, and
have bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet
anymore, and can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. I have lost all my friends, but,
thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten
totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and
start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent,
twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to
prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she
wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my
daughters visit me twice a week!"
My memory's not as sharp as it
used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent
sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making
the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing
because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the
people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to
share this with 2, 5 or 6, maybe 10 or 12 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of
your friends if you can remember who they are! Or just forget it...
