Post by B8 on May 13, 2007 14:19:08 GMT -5
A duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk says, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck says, "Just put it on my bill!"
Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Did you hear about the newly discovered red-phase owl. It was found in San Francisco sittin' on the dock of the bay. Scientists are not sure what the common name will be, but the scientific name is Otus Redding.
A BlueJay applied for the receptionists job at the new AT&T headquarters. The interviewer, a bit non-plussed, told the Jay that the candidate had to be able to type at least 80 words per minute. The Jay demonstrated a 100 wpm talent! Not wanting to hire a BIRD for the job, the interviewer told the Jay that the candidate had to be able to take dictation. The Jay surpassed all other candidates. Finally the interviewer thought he'd be able to get rid of the Jay with "the candidate must be bilingual!" The Jay replied "Meow!!"
I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore how do you tell a crow from a raven? It's a matter of opinion.
Question: Why do hummingbirds hum? Answer: Because they don't know the words.
What do you get when a Rooster mates with a vegtable? CHICK PEAS
Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot.
What do you get when you cross a bird with a comedian? JAY LENO!
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: To prove to the Opossum that it could be done!
Question: What does a 1,000 lb. canary say? Answer: Here kitty, kitty, kitty!
What do you get when you run over a bird with your lawnmower? Shredded Tweet!
How do you get down off an elephant? You don't! You get down off a duck.
A magician was performing on cruise ship and each night while performing his pet parrot keeps saying "its up his sleeve" " its in his pocket". "its in his shoe". "in his pants" etc and the magician was loosing his patience. one night while performing his tricks the ships boilers blew and the ship sank, the lucky magician was able to grab onto a ships table and float on the sea for a few days. the parrot in the mean time seemed non plussed and was looking quizically at the magician for a few days whilst drifting. On the 4th day the parrots looks at his master and says "I give up... what did you do with the ship?"
Not a joke but a true story! My birding mentor's 14 year old daughter had taken a message for her father while he was out. When he returned, this is what he got. "Daddy, Mr Jones called, he said the Upland Plovers were in at the airport but I'm sorry, I failed to get the flight number".
Two old men went out on a fishing trip with a wize old skipper. Shortly after leaving the dock two laughing gulls flew over their craft and one decided to let its' intestinal contents free. The excrement landed on the bald head of one of the fishermen. The other old man exclaimed "Don't get upset. Stay right here and I'll go fetch some toilet paper". The skipper replied, "No need for that. By the time you return the birds will have flown away".
Did you ever notice that when ducks migrate in their Vee formation, one side of the line is longer than the other? Know why that is? There's more ducks in it.
What is gray? A melted penguin.
Why do birds fly south? Because it is too far to walk!
What is a bird after he is five days old? Six days old!
Why does a stork stand on one leg? Because if he took the other leg off the ground he would fall on the ground!
Q: How do you keep a turkey in suspense? A: I'll tell you tomorrow!
Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Did you hear about the newly discovered red-phase owl. It was found in San Francisco sittin' on the dock of the bay. Scientists are not sure what the common name will be, but the scientific name is Otus Redding.
A BlueJay applied for the receptionists job at the new AT&T headquarters. The interviewer, a bit non-plussed, told the Jay that the candidate had to be able to type at least 80 words per minute. The Jay demonstrated a 100 wpm talent! Not wanting to hire a BIRD for the job, the interviewer told the Jay that the candidate had to be able to take dictation. The Jay surpassed all other candidates. Finally the interviewer thought he'd be able to get rid of the Jay with "the candidate must be bilingual!" The Jay replied "Meow!!"
I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore how do you tell a crow from a raven? It's a matter of opinion.
Question: Why do hummingbirds hum? Answer: Because they don't know the words.
What do you get when a Rooster mates with a vegtable? CHICK PEAS
Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot.
What do you get when you cross a bird with a comedian? JAY LENO!
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: To prove to the Opossum that it could be done!
Question: What does a 1,000 lb. canary say? Answer: Here kitty, kitty, kitty!
What do you get when you run over a bird with your lawnmower? Shredded Tweet!
How do you get down off an elephant? You don't! You get down off a duck.
A magician was performing on cruise ship and each night while performing his pet parrot keeps saying "its up his sleeve" " its in his pocket". "its in his shoe". "in his pants" etc and the magician was loosing his patience. one night while performing his tricks the ships boilers blew and the ship sank, the lucky magician was able to grab onto a ships table and float on the sea for a few days. the parrot in the mean time seemed non plussed and was looking quizically at the magician for a few days whilst drifting. On the 4th day the parrots looks at his master and says "I give up... what did you do with the ship?"
Not a joke but a true story! My birding mentor's 14 year old daughter had taken a message for her father while he was out. When he returned, this is what he got. "Daddy, Mr Jones called, he said the Upland Plovers were in at the airport but I'm sorry, I failed to get the flight number".
Two old men went out on a fishing trip with a wize old skipper. Shortly after leaving the dock two laughing gulls flew over their craft and one decided to let its' intestinal contents free. The excrement landed on the bald head of one of the fishermen. The other old man exclaimed "Don't get upset. Stay right here and I'll go fetch some toilet paper". The skipper replied, "No need for that. By the time you return the birds will have flown away".
Did you ever notice that when ducks migrate in their Vee formation, one side of the line is longer than the other? Know why that is? There's more ducks in it.
What is gray? A melted penguin.
Why do birds fly south? Because it is too far to walk!
What is a bird after he is five days old? Six days old!
Why does a stork stand on one leg? Because if he took the other leg off the ground he would fall on the ground!
Q: How do you keep a turkey in suspense? A: I'll tell you tomorrow!